Well, almost, Mr. H. Java's magnitude is severe in here, but it's first a currency instrument. One "bag", that word used like Kleenex: speak it and regardless of what your snot's sopped with most listeners are hip to that request. Mention somebody needs, wants, owes, is paying or buying a bag and everyone knows that's brew playing stand-in for a 5-spot.

     Numero dos is our offerings at best being the world's worst. Having no coffeemakers of any kind instant is what's up. My wake-up black standard size mug I choke down like the medicine it is. No delightful notes or surprises like a bag of grounds from yore. Never say I haven't paid my debt to society. Choke down a naked cup of Boston's Best Freeze-Dried Columbian and you'll buzz Governor Beshear's office to beg my pardon.

     Walking the tunnel dividing the yard shortly after I rejected Risperdal I met up with a damn fine and flirty inmate who told me in a kinky drawl he "loved triples". Floating on doll-boy ecstasy, I pictured everything 3 dudes can do together before it crosses into the gag zone. Disappointingly I discovered it's the term for an overdressed cup o'Joe and this prostitute was aiming my aging ass go hustle him up one. My disappointment is I figured this too late to go do it. Anyway, not being a "pie in a cup" fan, I'd never slug Caramel Macchiatto or such. Gimme something stout like Komodo Dragon from Java's Walmart then a splash of condiments. Cinnamon around Christmas, and don't ever wreck pumpkin spice merging it with coffee you maniacs, eat my #1 holidays pie like our Generous Lord intended.

     Adaptation is crucial in here, so I embraced the Triple and made it mine. Sometimes I sell my beverages to sleepy, thirsty criminals. Barter being the backbone of the experience, food and drink are my territories. Typically, French Vanilla nondairy creamer is the go-to round these parts, the only option off canteen beside the unflavored type commonly used for candy and cereal bar prep (check out the Ignunt Dyno-Puff Bars when you're done here as they're tits with bean-juice). Type 1 is also a quick trip to foot amputation or at least a mountainous muffin-top. Plus, I'm about embellishments. Here's the setup for the Batbucks® Triple, a healthier, tastier drink I'll likely still keep swigging after years option-less to alternate with my Champagne free-market mud.

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TRIPLE KIT AVAILABLE AT FAMILY DOLLAR:

 

One bag (4 oz) Food Express French Vanilla Nondairy Creamer

One package CNP Pro Vanilla Protein Meal Replacement

1/2 tsp salt (I'd imagine Sea Salt's succinct)

6 Splenda packets

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     Mix thoroughly and keep this ready for action in a container. If you wanna be all prison about it, an empty de-labeled peanut butter jar.

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​​​​​​​​​​​​​     My preferred instant is Folger's Traditional, a brand I associated with ditch water besides that Black Silk which surprisingly wasn't swill. This not being the Waldorf that brand's better behind Boston's Best, Café Express, and the slightly better 1970's ad machine Taster's Choice. Doctor up any properly and the diff is negligible, except strength.