Scooby-Don't!: Prison's Cruelest Punishment, and 'South Park's' Shark-Jump

Chapter One

August 29th, 2026

About two months back after a decade plus of senseless, endless cannonades of stacked screens with "Wild'n Out", "Ridiculousness", and whatever freak-show TLC - plastic surgery mutant hookups, unintentional potty-mouths, or two-ton teens was showing answered my prayer off a survey two years ago. New cable, service plus provider. Saying it again, my debt to society is paid, living caged with non-streaming platform TV, with the creepiness of perpetual pre-warmed potty seats. The Lord's wrath on the wicked and the tasteful alike, tolerate 24 hours today and you'll 'Dash 'Mama a file-filled pastry. That leftover industry is a sewer sieve of roughly 10 shows filling 40 channels that aren't sports, specialty, or the colored folks' water fountain version of a station from 1980 in 2026.

Seeing how humans voted Hitler into office, letting the masses choose usually goes haywire. This medium is for those without internet, personal means, ducking change of any kind, not mutually exclusive a morsel. TV Land verbatim replays the same schedule two decades now. "Everybody Loves Raymond" (Frank and Marie 4-ever) weeknights, "M.A.S.H." afternoons, I'd rant on but you know already down to "Roseanne" Saturdays which they tried to remove the premature-est-firing-in-history weekend, viewer abandonment blew that in two turns, proving my point America never liked Barr yet cherished Missus Connor, still 3 decades rebooted. Whoever thought "The New Adventures of Old Christine" filled that vacuum was just inept enough to fail their way up to a CEO spot by now, I'd imagine.

Libertine/libertarian like I live, government controls are no-nos but a decade moratorium might do on "Raymond", "Andy Griffith", "Seinfeld" (likely I still would snort at Papas Morty and Frank C.), "M.A.S.H.", and " Roseanne" (always in my top 5 - tossing between eternity locked in a room watching it 24-7 or 5 years with "The Connors" and I could walk, gimme a Dan and Rosie abyss over a half-decade of baby bird-critter grownup Darlene devoid of delivery, timing, or any appeal to speak of: her child stardom outcome sucks worse than Dana Plato's because she LIVED). Could spark romances back I'd swing.

Like a skipping LP, lemme repeat crap floats up-top on TV. Live performance devolved to brawling babes on boats for Bravo!, the Learning Channel offers how-tos for reaching rear scrubbing spots on human hippos, and Arts and Entertainment is Springer's fighting formula splicing the "Ridiculous" show above in retail, roadways, and residences. Same distills down to my sacred spot - animation.

 "The Simpsons" disrupted, prophesied, and intellectualized the world with machine-gun guffawing. By far my television happy-home for binging zen. Re-calibrating my noggin after days maneuvering multiple modalities, the go-to even hitting the State tablet and letting my device rape me 2.23 for a 48-hour rental from 4 seasons I've watched til worn, waiting for more. If Homer cannot kick my giggle box over, either that's one deep funk or this finely aged arse is knocked to numbness.

Imagine my zeal with FXXX making the scene: Simpsons marathons, every season! Like my fave 1990's before the revision all decades suffer as the fabulousness gets phased out, FOX syndication had an hour every afternoon no matter my city because smartness was en vogue 'til the 2000's tossed tackiness on everything. That's when "Family Guy" arrived, getting cancelled twice being nothing but "The Simpsons" stupefied.

Subtract all nuances to make something the body that built "Real Housewives", "Springer", who took "Big Bang" with a roomful of physicists and a hot chick down to "George and Mandy", a lame laugh track hit with a sexy set of rednecks Deepinaharta Tejas, skip explanations so eventually "Guy's" a cash cow, of course. So maybe 45% of FXXX's content is our first family plus played-out "Bob's Burgers", the rest FG as America is too damn dumb for smart TV. Even kiddie content.

End of Chapter One