You Come A Long Way, Bad-Ass II: Now Would It Kill Ya To Dress Up A Little?

Chapter One

Last week the 2 two titles I snared in an unwinnable crusade of catch-up from 11 flat behind bars had a common thread - those uncommon threads worn by female comic characters. "Catwoman: Lonely City" and "Hawkeye: My Life As A Weapon" devoted thought and imagination to what some gals got on, and me having a discernible (read: homo) eye and devotion to sequential art, this subject eats up an embarrassment of my psychological topography.

Maybe you read here https://www.batmamaandrobbers.com/post/you-come-a-long-way-bad-ass how I grew up mad for the seventies superheroine-set 1st with Catwoman, then Wonder Woman, and so on when comic's queens sat in the back. Thenabouts, radio played tracks by females once per hour. My response was Sunday 9 to noon, early '90's at WRFL-FM Lexington - "Girls In The Garage" (me and gal-pal Robin spun it off a program begun by Ashley Judd, ALMOST Catwoman instead of Halle Barry) - 3 hours of none but, and not relegated snoozes of "Womyns Music" aka acoustic ditties for/by dames having penis allergies nonstop, but variety like Patti Smith, Monie Love, Etta James, The Pandoras, The Breeders, Siouxsie... you geddit. Responses including one lifestyle-living lesbian on my request line weekly were groovy.

Women saw similar treatment in "funny-books", for instance yearly Lady Selina dropped in on Batman like Santa, changing in the '90s. That major zeitgeist switch owed to "Batman the Animated Series" I'll claim 'til buried. Now I can't sling a dead cat without smacking a femme fighting/committing cape-crimes. Am I over the moon? Ehhhh, sometimes.

Much-ly mouthy train-wreck Jessica Jones is a blast with OG Alias a top 10 forever fave. Said, I don't want Jessica DREW being Jessica Jones, and Carol Danvers, the only she-in-spandex to be blah in a glossy gorgeous Ms. Marvel outfit demonized in the Rorschach. Some see stripper, I see 1000% pure superheroine, resembling the cover of Mike Madrid's Supergirls, which I'd love an 8 ft metal lawn sculpture of:

To me it says feminine power to this Nth, where 21CE Captain Marvel's says "I can do this exactly like a man". That ebony creation was designed to FREE her from being a carbon-copy of Mr. Captain Mar-Vell. Carol got made for frustrated female fans. Back in the '70s she was a straight "womens lib" invention, and failed repeatedly to catch fire. Check out Danvers' her-story. Cancelled, killed, and re-calibrated umpteen times. NO success story, she's a beacon to tenacity in indifference's face. Personally, I'm good with both her screenshots, "The Marvels" more. Really DESPITE her, and say un-repentantly some joy for the second was Carol not being another Marvel Jones-cultist in a sharp dress, singing and occasionally showing warmth, teeth, and some non-masculine qualities. If making women cool means making 'em all into dudes, what the FUCK is the point? She's not detestable, though nothing to cheer either. Nowadays especially there are too many chicks with axes to grind in t-shirts and jeans mixing it with boys and that, Chilluns, is B-O-R-I-N-G. Women, BTW, I rarely played? Generally I'm indifferent to Joan Jett. Why? What she does, to me, is ape being a dude and I snooze, even when she's good at it. Women are instruments of a biological brand without being unflattering imitations. My favorite saying: "There's nothing more unequal than the equal treatment of unequals." Dope, and dead-on.

One Marvel Maiden I've adored now disappointed as possible by the treatment of is Jane Foster Valkyrie, who I'm not seeing around. I have treasured "Saga of the Valkyrie", bought 2 copies even, and I'm dying for more. Dr. Foster, former Mighty Thor is mortician by day, Chooser of the Slain by night. Harlan Ellison's legacy of a mortal imbued by the Valkyrie gets finally filled by a beloved Marvel occupant ready for a big-screen treatment, but her look? Screams sidekick to moi. No charge at all. This is an electrifying superhero with a weapon crossed between Thor's hammer and the Lantern's ring, often upstaged by an hilarious flying, talking steed. Instead of Carol Danvers crammed down our gullets, Jane's Valkyrie goes down smooth and could lead the Avengers by a popular vote. Remove Thor-Mama's helmet and toss tiny blonde braided highlights to her temples as homage to Thordis, the "What If?" Thor-Jane who begat this and Brunhilde, prior Val. Applying interesting color costume pop with maybe skull imagery to visually communicate her, I'd tell the Marvel-bosses. Mortal Jane's a frump with a boy-cut, too. Understanding she's a chemo survivor, let her live now and not be an sickness avatar - comic books are ESCAPES. Literally I had an inmate hand "Saga" back after losing his mom to cancer because he couldn't enjoy it. Marvel, don't virtue signal a potential cash-cow to extinction. These books are ENTERTAINMENT.

Marvel-ous Mistresses classically breaking the beige-barrier are She-Hulk, who with her towering jade architecture gets to live clothes- AND sex-positive! Janet Van Dyne, the Wasp, elder-stateswoman, divorcee, and designer has a work excuse, but damn shes sported some mo-fuggly gear. Dudes should study fashion before drawing it. There are others carrying caveats. Patsy Walker, Hellcat, is a model. In a She-Hulk run occasionally wed see her in something boss, but not with conviction, and usually only as evening wear. Obvious choice would be her own title with sharp looks juxtaposing drama-horror-mystery-action. Green-light! Storm for her exotic quality, like Emma Frost, the fantasy-whore 10,000 km in another direction (I adore her, BTW, 'specially Grants run). Synonymous sorta to this is DCs irresistible Jenny Sparks, smashing in an outfit that's artful, a mite punk, and feminine.

Why does she get all the fun? Like fuck/marry/kill trifecta-winner Frost, shes "audacious" with Brit-snarkery. Sorry, but ain't putting on a costume and beating people up audacious by any definition? Plus a vast majority either live in Manhattan or analogies to it. Cool clothes are abundant on any budget. Why suddenly does everybody - Diana Prince, J. Drew, to Dinah Drake Lance look like they're heading to Happy Hour at a lesbian lounge after work? Guess they oughta keep their masks on for that...

What had me dig dames over dudes to begin with? They werent supposed to, but looked cool doing it STYLISHLY, maybe most important. Sometimes excessively, take "Batgirl's Costume Cut-Ups"...

This story resolves when robbers get nailed slobbering over Babs' "gams" while the Dynamics take 'em like baby candy. Overkill? Yes. Still I miss foxiness. Buying the opening volume of "Batgirl and the Birds of Prey: Rebirth", I winced at how homely the women behind it went to make those ladies look.

1950's Kathy Kane Batwoman swung her purse full of cosmetic weapons, cornball to some but gimme that over "serious (read: buzz-kill) Kate with the politically obsolete origin. Note what trouble she's had glomming onto audiences (interestingly, off-duty this lesbian wears cute outfits sometimes while the hetero heroines don't). This ain't about sexism. We get told feminism is "about having choices", but when variations are exercised, loud minorities get riled. Meanwhile some open-minded chick with money on her card wandering say, Target, picks up a Compact Edition. She'd pause seeing HERSELF or her fantasy beating butt in a cute costume, even haute couture, being a viewer of Project Runway but can't find such. Its usually a neutered result of confused men or women who don't love themselves nor others. Can 21CE heroines have flair? Apparently, but not in THEIR titles.

Here are Natasha, the Black Widow, Bobbi "Mockingbird" Morse, and Jessica "Spider-Woman" Drew from Matt Fraction and David Aja's "Hawkeye". Clint Barton is top billed with young Kate Bishop his same-named protege like a streaming series I can't see (*sobs*). None of the seriously sharp She-Vengers here EVER looks like this off-work elsewhere. That, my friend, is criminal. Seeing this panel a void I felt suddenly knew its occupants. This does more than tell me they hit the same dress shop. It makes them INTERESTING like crime-fighting characters holding their titles should. It's panache, desperately missing as an element that bleeds into their beings.

What I'm not guessing at but have seen as a student of culture is backlash. Comic companies wanted wider audiences, and women became the golden bough. Heaps of gals came forward claiming to love comics, yet needed them dramatically changed. Most of those changes didn't prove profitable, but the excessive complaints about female images have brought gender castration instead of waves of visually exciting distaff figures. I'll provide two characters, two companies.

End of Chapter One