Bardwell's Single-Wide Sirens
3 days ago
2 min read
"I'd never bash humble Polly, though, despite a few flaws: her desire to compete in a Man's World by trying to best Renny at armpit funk. She wasn't as pungent, but his sleeveless arm-waddles weren't hugged up to my mug. This had the single-wide permeated into chili cook-off pungency, me paradoxically starved and disgusted. That with her refusal to drive over 25 MPH being the designated driver for the community, all five packed in a banana-colored Cadillac which during an era of casual racism I'll let you figure out what Pa in horrified embarrassment said about that, and irrational fear of dopers. Nobody could leave the grounds after 7. Irony being Elwanda 'Courtney Love' Pirtle downed downers by the fistfuls. My concern became that Bic-flick illuminating the crack beneath her boudoir door overnight. Remains of a torched trailer with the fat fried from my bones from a zombified nod-out kept me anxiously awake after Gloria guilted me into a sub-stay at Chez Renny. In hindsight, sweet little Dessie might've manipulated that side-trip.
Speaking of those, they're what Mee-Mee gave me, leading to Nowhereville. Anecdotes about dance-dinner parties omitting the raunchiness that undoubtedly occurred, trying to wring good dirt out. Hours of straining to hear her TV over this is my culpability, too young to figure out the stupid questions are those we don't ask. Her yarns' best features were the names these stick-dwellers got stuck with: brothers 'Hugh Ray and Whirley Jewel', or couples "Cracker and Nan", and 'Chicken and Anna (Mee-Mee's conspirator from high school, the other fox whose old lady knockers seriously defied belief like steroidal watermelons)' were regulars. They sound like a pack of prison yard walkers with their lady-boy 'trims'. As for Elwanda, my first paydirt was a gold nugget. Seems a rep from the Coca-Cola Company coasted through Arlington (?!) one day, and spotted Polly and Lawrence's lovely daughter from the picture I saw. At that 1940's moment, Coke's calendar was then's Sports Illustrated Swimsuit Issue and this man wanted Elwanda Pirtle on it. When Laurence's excited offspring broke the news to her household she got dealt slaps and punches. Repayment for attempting to whore herself across America."
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