YB ("Young Blood", "Young Boy"? Fucked if I know...) got shipped and didn't see it coming. Cresting parole then WHAM! " Pack yer shit". I was a fan of the youthful cherubic Rowdy. He claimed that on the streets he pined over "bitches" until one destroyed his heart, then he saw it was a fool's game and he refused to be one. Now the bitches pay for that dick. I believe him. Confident and charismatic, he's the only tugboat that could maybe pull ME. Anyway, these nachos were so beloved on the wing, he declared that in 12 years of lockups they were the dopest he'd had and YB never offered false praise.
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This being a prison joint, it's up to you to deliver it authentically or blow it up with offerings we could only dream of. This one was impromptu, and I'll provide a framework if you're pressed for something original for a get-together, family night, binging with Boo, or isolated meltdown.
PREP: Cut cheeseburger with cheese attached into thin, about 1/2" long strips and set aside. Crush the tots with your fingers, pulling them apart simultaneously. Mix with the burger strips and toss in condiments mixed together thoroughly. Julienne onions. Crush Cheez-Itz within bag using available child labor or minuscule adult.* Blend sour cream and powdered milk in a small bowl (it will appear large in the child or tiny grownup's hands, don't be fooled).
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Place onion in fry-bag (refer to "Blue Cheese Noodle" recipe), and microwave in 1.5 minute intervals shaken with the sweeteners until soft and light brown, not stuck to the bag. Remove and set aside.
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I use a foot-tub, but around the crib you can use a large vessel that can go inside the microwave - a silicone baking dish would be tits. Empty the rice bags into it, fairly spread. Cook high for :40, remove and shake repeating ritual 3 times total. Add a cup of water, drink mix, onions, and Buffalo sauce. Stir until nicely mixed, then nuke :30 secs. Stir more and check consistency. Likely more water is needed, so add another 1/2 cup but don't waterlog it - parboiled rice is an unforgiving bitch-goddess to fry. Go in another :30, stir, then sample. If more water is needed, add a little. Rice should be a rosy pink. For 1 minute, continue. Sample, and rice should be a perfect consistency. Set aside covered but vented.
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Cook the burger mixture until heated through.
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Prepare the Blue Cheese Noodle. Add the fried rice and burger mixture.
Take sour cream and powdered milk mix and add 1 cup of water. Microwave :30, stir, and add in small dollops the cheese cups plus garlic powder. Heat :45 seconds, stir and add contents of Cheez-Itz bag and 1/2 cup water. Heat 1 minute. Stir thoroughly.
Put a layer of chips on bottom of tray (sheet pan would be keen), top with 1/2 of rice/noodle/burger mix, then 1/2 of cheese sauce. Repeat layering with remainder.
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Super Bowl ready, or Simpsons/Krapopolis/American Dad! Returns night, or listening to your copy of my Ommamomma Playlist time with your posse... customize and enjoy. xoxoxo Batman
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*One time, a "little person" here named Roger came up to me bummed out and said "Batman, they fired me from my job", and I said "What happened Roger? Did the rodeo people look inside the barrel and see you didnt show up for work again?". He walked away pissed, and that was maybe the hardest I ever laughed at me being an asshole.
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